It sounded like a voice. A girl's voice.
And, Cuthbert noted with what a jury of his peers might deem an inappropriate amount of glee, it was in distress.
He couldn't quite remember what innocent people did with their hands. Did they fold them? He put his on his hips. No, underneath his chin. Innocent people who didn’t cheat at sword fighting tournaments definitely had chins.
Dave frowned. 'D'you think...' He stopped, weighing his words slowly. 'D'you think something fishy's going on, here?'
'What makes you say that?' Cuthbert asked. A raw chunk of tentacle peeled back from his cheek and fell on the deck with a plop.
Dave shook his head. 'This just seems a bit... off,' he said, watching as Cuthbert brushed the suckers from his arms. 'Somehow.'
Cuthbert shrugged.
The swordsperson leapt to her feet. Her face was like thunder. Particularly in the way it made Cuthbert deeply uncomfortable and wish his childhood dog was nearby.
Cuthbert grinned at her. 'If you're impressed with what I can do with butter, you should see some of my macaroni bracelets,' he said because if reading Success: What Is It and How to Get the Thing It Is Once You Know had taught him one thing, it was: you could never sell yourself too much at a business meeting.
It had also taught him the importance of having a pithy name, which was why he decided to shorten his to Cuthbert Tattersall, from Cuthbert Wulfric Alexander Milliken-McGoldrick Tattersall the third. Well, that and to answer personal ads more cheaply.
Cuthbert leaned against a pillar, whistling as innocuously and as what-me-cheating-right-now-in-the-open-in-front-of-all-these-witnesses-of-course-not as he could.
'Are you mad?' Cuthbert cried. 'You couldn't fight- have you never read a book?!'
He stared at her, astonished.
'Political fighting's all barbed insults and good hair, it's way easier than actual fighting! With way better hair!'
'You see, I have opposable thumbs,' he explained, helpfully waving his hand in demonstration. 'To oppose opponents with. But teeth-'
'If you're looking for something to sing about,' Cuthbert said, 'I've got a fantastic idea for you.'
He paused dramatically, letting their anticipation build and build as he looked between them, grinning.
'You're going to say "me", aren't you?' the accordionist asked but Cuthbert shouted over the top of him: 'Me!'