…jerk

Cuthbert tore up the long, winding staircase that led to the top tower, leaping two, three at a time in a heroic bound. At first. After the first thirty stairs, he slowed to a valiant trot. Then a gallant trudge.

There were a lot of stairs.

'Took you long enough,' the guard on the left grumbled.

'Took you long enough,' Cuthbert shot back. Then, realising it didn't carry quite the same insult the guard on the left's comment had, he added, 'To be a jerk.'

The guard on the left looked at him wryly. She raised an eyebrow. Cuthbert seethed. 'With your jerk face,' he added. 'You jerk.'

The guard on the right looked between them, worried. 'Um... Welcome to the door puzzle,' she said, trying to put on a bright, happy voice. 'We're the guards of the doors - hello - and we're here to stop you getting through these doors today.'

Because they're jerks, Cuthbert thought to himself, pouting.